Befriending the Primal: Ownership

Befriending the Primal: Learning to play with my sexual energy rather than letting it play me. Taking Ownership.

As I’ve shared in this series before the past year has been a walk down memory lane in regards to my sexual energy.

How I have chosen to view it

How I have chosen to use it

Exploring where my sexual energy has been playing me due to repressed/ unowned anger from past experiences.

Although I have spent this time with a boundary around physical penetration, I have been exploring three very specific themes that have repeated themselves over the years through different people & experiences.

Shame & Control

Uncontrollable Sexual Hunger

Emotional Avoidance

Let me break down the first category and describe how it relates to repression & my sexual energy.

1. Shame & Control:

Due to unresolved anger/ resentment / shame from being raped when I was younger, I had a tendency to be drawn to experiences where I could live out my repression through another.

Since I was an individual who tends to direct violence towards myself rather than others ( a pact I made with myself after years of lashing out in my younger days ) I was drawn to individuals who carried similar shame patterns that would act out on others.

An example:

Person A: Individual who acts out on others

Person B: Individual who acts on self

What this looked like:

Person A: becomes triggered by a perceived loss of control, in order to regain control ( due to not being able to speak needs vulnerably ) manipulation is used.

Person B: Notices what is occurring and reacts in a few ways, allows the manipulation or speaks to the behavior pattern playing out

( Cue trauma responses of both parties )

Person A: Becomes defensive ( Fight response )

Person B: Becomes triggered due to feeling dismissed/ unheard ( sometimes this person is coming from vulnerability or sometimes a triggered state- freeze response ).

Person A: Uses guilt as a way to secure silence

Person B: Due to fawning/ people pleasing patterning becomes confused & silences self ( does not want to be rejected or abandoned ).

Since Person B is repressing the shame and anger within, Person A is the perfect match to mirror that repressed shame & highlight control patterns because Person A is an individual who has patterns of projecting the shame and control onto another rather owning it.

This is an example of how I have allowed my own repression & shame of my sexual energy find attraction to individuals whom have their own patterning of unowned sexual shame and control to highlight my repressed shame and control.

** Now, this may not be the case for all dynamics- this is something I have observed within my own life **


©2020 by Ka Luna Ki Ato

Disclaimer: The information on this website is not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any illness. Everything on this website is seen through the perspective of the author in hopes to inspire heart based connection. Ka Luna is not a doctor, the information on this site should not be used as a substitute for any health concerns you may have. Please seek a professional medical health care provider if you have any questions regarding your health. I am not responsible for any adverse outcomes due to misunderstanding the information on this website.